What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 21.06.2025 07:07
Who then, do I blame.?
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
So, i spoilt her more .
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Would this be the day?
I will be 64.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Has anyone tried bestiality and been caught?
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
How do you cope when your mother doesn't love you?
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Why are the democrats keep insisting that there are more than two genders?
What did i know ?
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
AI alone cannot solve the productivity puzzle - Financial Times
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
She was in good health!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
But, we were locked up after school.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
He resisted the act ,that day.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Comes on , in middle age.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I could never make a relationship work though!
How can someone in your family purposely try to destroy your reputation?
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
This is soul school!.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I was seconnd youngest,
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Put me off passion for life!!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Im still living with it.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I think the readers, may guess!
Ive learnt so much.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I said to her
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I have no regrets .
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
So whats the point in blame.
It was going to be , some day.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I couldn’t, believe it.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Especially a lifetime of it.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
She found it foreign!.
And i lived it daily.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
My family never makes their pension either.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
We all went to grammer schools
She wouldn,t have been !
I waited trembling.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Why did i forgive my father ?
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
But ive been too sick for many years..
But it wasn’t much.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
One cannot live in the past .
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Was to survive, this bastard.
All the time i was locked up.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
(And it was in our own minds.)
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I write beautiful poetry .
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I don,t even have a pension.
I was 9 years of age.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I was very sick at this time too.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
My life is so biszare .
We were not on the streets..
Where the ultimate outsiders.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
She loved him until the end.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I was scared of men, in general
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
She married twice! .
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
When she asked me how she looked .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I never cut or harmed myself..
As i do to all so called friends.?
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
He knew the spot.
The only rule us 5 kids had .